Getting Primed
In absolute honesty, I didn’t think we’d really paint. I thought we’d have grand ideas and then just move in and make everything look kind of okay. As someone who’s lived with ADHD her whole life (undiagnosed until age 30), I know that sometimes I get riled up about a new idea and then abandon it. Thankfully, I’ve learned how to manage this impulse, how to stretch my window of tolerance, and how to team up with people who help me accomplish my goals… And I made sure to marry one of them ;)
We really needed to paint in this new space. It was gross. And when I say gross, I mean:
Nope, those aren’t stains; that’s just chipped away paint that looks like stains. Yikes.
So what was holding me back? What was the fear?
Growing up extremely poor— well below the poverty line— I learned to pinch my pennies. As I recovered from homelessness at the young age of nineteen, I’d make sure to eat one well-rounded meal each day, with packaged ramen noodles for breakfast and dinner just to be able to afford getting some veggies and fruit midday. Now, as I get older and more financially secure within my own career, I see that the cheapest option is not always the best option, like with clothing; I recently swapped out my yearly-ish fast fashion denim purchase for investing in sustainable clothing companies who I believe in, and while the price is a little bit higher, the quality is significantly improved. I hope that swaps like this end up stretching my slightly heavier dollars even further. (Keep an eye out for a post about my favorite sustainable plus size brands, coming soon)
With painting our new space, I’ll admit: I had an internal meltdown in the hardware store. I hid it very well, but seeing the gallons of paint in my cart and knowing it was going to be what I’d consider an “expensive” purchase, I started doubting myself. And panicking. Did I really need paint? It’s impractical. It’s superfluous. It’s not necessary. There’s no way to stretch these dollars— they’re just gonna go as far as paint on the walls.
Luckily, I was with my dear friend and soon-to-be-housemate Kirill who is a mathematician by degree and a high-level engineer by trade. He asked if I’d like him to make this “practical,” which was music to my anxious Virgo ears. His points were mainly that I do a lot of professional work not only from my home but also about my home (hi, hello, this blog) and that this was as much a business investment as it was a personal investment. Then he mentioned how the reason offices are generally fully greyscale is because it causes dissociation (touted as “creativity” and the “ability to focus”) which is actually one of my main struggles in my healing work. So, clearly, the disgusting grey floors had to go. Plus: I’m actually worthy of a space that makes me feel good about myself and my life.
As we arrived at 6pm, I felt like the day had already gotten away from us. Was it even worth it? We should’ve started earlier! I kept telling myself that the project was a failure before we even began. But we got there, we cleaned up the space, and got started. And you know what? Four hours later, we were about ¾ done with the priming process. And we’d spent hours chatting and enjoying our new space, feeling the sense of ownership take over, the excitement of planning begin to root, and slowly, our dingy little basement unit started to transform into something new. Our home.
Watch me and my new housemate get the priming done!
Kirill helped me get rid of the vibrant teal wall. What color are we going to add on top of it?
Click the photo or right here to find out!
This process is so much more than just painting a space. It’s claiming a space for myself. It’s showing up for myself, showing that I can follow through with something because it will make me happy. It maybe sounds a little overly dramatic, but I mean it when I say this process is healing. Celebrating the self and a sense of belonging is a luxury I have not had the privilege to know until now, and I’m learning how to embrace it, be in it, love it.
I can’t wait to show you the colors we chose!